MyLaffs Joke #1123
MEN'S RULES FOR WOMEN
1: It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.
2: If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
3: Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
4: Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.
5: Shopping is not fascinating.
6: When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
7: Unless the answer is yes.
8: In which case, can he videotape it?
9: If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking jerks.
10: The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
11: Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
12: Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
13: Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e., Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc.) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
14: Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
15: He heard you the first time.
16: You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little.
17: If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to.
18: Of COURSE he wants another beer.
19: The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
20: Dogs good. Cats bad.
21: Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
22: If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through "Showgirls."
23: "Fine!" is not an acceptable way to end an argument.
24: Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
25: He was not looking at that other girl.
26: Well, okay... maybe a little.
27: Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy...
28: There is nothing inherently wrong with the word "sports"
29: He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met.
30: And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
31: Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
32: If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
33: It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.
34: Remember: Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.
35: [Edited for tender ears.]
36: Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
37: Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with.
38: Of course size matters, and boy does he have the granddaddy of them all.
39: His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
40: Don't hog the covers.
41: Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the half-time show to act upon that.
42: He does not just want to be friends.
43: A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"
44: Just because this list doesn't have as many entries as yours doesn't mean it's worse.
